The Ultimate Entrepreneur

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da Life goes on, bra
La la how the life goes on
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da Life goes on, bra
La la how the life goes on
The Beatles, Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

You know how it is when you go to the same coffee or sandwich shop and you see the same folks working there week after week and sometimes year after year. Then one day, Poof! They are gone and you have to start all over building that rapport. Sometimes you feel, screw it, all that effort, and i just don't feel like starting over, but ultimately you probably do...I mean, what are you going to do, have a sour puss everytime you walk in.

Its gets a bit stranger when you have a rapport with the folks and then one day you walk in and they pretend like they never knew you. Or you may even get the feeling that you are bothering them by just trying to be friendly. It is as if they had amnesia and sort of forgot they knew you or at least forgot your entire history together.

Now, when this happens to one of your long time friends, dare I say, it is stranger than fiction?!?!. I have known this one guy for like 20 years, we live in the same city, and slowly but surely he is disappearing from mine and all of his other friends lives. One day, he is social as hell and the next he simply stops returning phone calls and emails. When prodded, he claims there is nothing wrong and that he is just really focused on a work project. This work project has now been going on for over 2 years. The guy works for himself - all day every day. When he does take a break, it is typcially for very short time periods before he has a reason to get back to things.

I wonder aloud if this guy will ever get back in touch with his friends or if this work project will go on for decades to come giving him rationale to distance himself from his friends and the world around him. What do you think? Depression, Anxiety, Obsession? Positive, Negative, Neutral? Hates his friends? Completely normal state of affiars?

Yes, the river knows...

"I used to ask questions, and I got the answer: nothing. The answer is
'nothing."
-Joan Didion, Play it as it Lays

Sometimes I feel as though time is fluid. The days actively progress in what seems the way the are supposed to. Other times, I become quite introspective and find myself analyzing things quite a bit. I seem to go between these two states every couple weeks as if there is some pattern to it that i cannot quite discern. Another way of describing these states is "Heavy" and "Light" as Kundera often does. We are always striving to be light, to shed all worldly realtionships and possessions, to be free as a bird. Inevitably when lightness comes our way, we immediately start accumulating things (realtionships, real estate, etc.) and get heavy - typically until we get so heavy that we are burdened by our perceived responsibilities. So heavy that we cry out for a Coup de Grace!

Who doesn't enjoy the idea of jumping on a plane and traveling to a remote part of the world - where no one knows your name, where your self has no past, your identity invalidated. In modern verncular, this is sometimes referred to as a 'fresh start'. Another chance to make your way in a difficult yet exhilirating world of possibilities. Joan Didion has written some about this. Her take is that you don't have to jump on that plane, your life, your love, and your entire past will fade to black right before your eyes and years before you expect it. Play it as it Lays was an interesting book.

In our own way, we perfrom the ritual of moving from place to place regularly, even if we decide not to admit this to ourselves. How many people do you know that have lived in the same city for more than 10 years? Yes, its true, people get bored with existence. Seemingly searching for another place that will bring them smack dab to the elusive State of Happiness.

It really is a tough challenge to find yourself in a place that you don't want to depart from. Where la vie quotidienne is as enjoyable as that chocolate cake, orgasmic sex, and the climb to the peak of a snowcapped mountain. How do I (we) get to this place and stay there?

I refuse to believe this place only exists in drugs and dreams.

Come Clean...

"Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with"
- Bob Dylan, Positively 4th Street

I wonder if the guy that told me that has come clean by now.

There i was, one week into my first “company” job in 1996. I had my suit on and set out for my 1/2 mile walk to the BART station. Rockridge to Embarcadero station. Daydreams of working in a high rise and feeling really good about the future. And then, just a block before the BART station I am drawn to my right. Here is some dude crouched on the ground asking me for some spare change. I continue walking past him, not moved by his request, and then from the rear I hear the dude exclaim, “c’moooon, come clean”. And I haven’t forgot those words since.

Perhaps because those words symbolized such a profundity. The words did get me to glance back at him one last time and I was able to form a mental image of him at that point. Truth be told, he actually looked like that dude that was made popular on David Letterman around this time, Manny the Hippy.


I did sort of feel out of place in a suit. Just a few weeks before I had been wearing shorts on a daily basis and regularly visiting the clothing optional pool at Strawberry Canyon, on the UC Berkeley Campus. Once I learned I got the new job, I visited Men’s Wearhouse and picked up 2 suits, 2 pair of shoes, and a few extra shirts and ties. (we are all familiar with the mix/match delusion). Up until this job, I had only worn suits for those special occasions such as temple activites, weddings and funerals. So yes, I can safely say, I didn’t feel quite myself in the suit. In fact, while wearing it, I sort of felt like I couldn’t believe I had crossed over to the other side. Corporate Weasdom! I was mentally conflicted, sort of felt like I couldn’t act in the office the way that I was used to acting amongst my friends. My self confidence was relatively low as I was trying to learn how to fit in and succeed in this new role. There was a huge learning curve and while stressful, I was determined to figure out the game.

So when I heard that I should, “come clean”, it was certainly something that resonated with me. I wanted to rip that suit off right there, lean toward him and proclaim, “yes, you’re right - i need to figure out a way to stop this charade!” But reality set in. Here was a guy begging for money and if that’s what coming clean meant, I preferred to stay dirty. In my own way, I had tried to come clean during the previous four years after graduating from college. During that time, I had some great experiences, but alas, ended up living out of my car and going from dead end contract job to the next.

After peering back at this dude and looking into his eyes, I knew he was partly right. However, it was painfully obvious that being right in a theoretical sense didn’t mean shit in the world of practicality.

I didn’t give him a dime, and never saw him again.

What the !!??!?!

These are exciting times at the Crackpod. Today we ported over (READ: cut/paste) all the old stuff from Wordpress into the Blogger tool. Wordpress was just too much of a headache for me. I had trouble with the html formatting and inserting photos correctly. In sum, I spent too much time on the technicalities of the product instead of on the blogging part. So I moved over to Blogger as it seemed to have a friendlier interface to work from. The downside in all this was that we lost all our readers comments. I know I will be getting hundreds of complaints about my expressED opinion. But hey, it's my blog, so READ and WEEP.

Living in the city, exposure to wildlife is somewhat limited. As I used to work next to a balcony, I enjoyed putting out some seed and watching the birds come and go. At times, the seed was all gone and the birds would try to intimidate me as the photo of the Blue Jay shows above. He would eventually get what he wanted and move on to the tree across the street where at times he appeared to be feeding his young with the mash. Over the years, I saw lots of cool birds that would just sort of hang out on the balcony, sunning themselves when the opportunity presented, and always feeding.

One day at a time.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore i go
To the valley below.

- Bob Dylan, One more Cup of Coffee

Sometimes I find myself, right smack in the middle of the day thinking, "this would make a great blog entry". Of course, it is hours later that i have time to enter the kind words into the blog and by then, it is like waking up from a dream. Forgotten but not lost.

I wonder aloud, "How is JBO doing with his caffeine addictions?" I went through a 3 week everyday coffee habit that finally ended after it wore me down. After not drinking a cup of coffee for about 3 years, I broke down while in Utah two months ago. He we are in a 'kind' house in Park City during the ski season. Is there any better way to start a cold morning in the mountains than with a cup of strong joe? of course not. So, bowing to my inner sense of ritual, I partook in coffee that morning and every morning while I was there. Upon returning home, I was back on my green tea habit (mostly dragonwell, for those still reading). About a week later I came down with a cold. Lacking energy and feeling down, I went back to the well and started buying small drip cofeee's from the corner cafe. Then it was medium, and not very long before it was LARGE. A few weeks later, I was drained.

Coffee is a rollercoaster that I can not stay on for very long. I love the taste of a good cappuccino and even a good drip, but after a few days, the coffee just isn't as tasty anymore but I continue to drink it. again out of ritual, and the need for speed. But the reality is that is sends me up and then down just as hard. It is difficult me to handle those ups and downs. So after all this, I bought 2 ounces of Dragonwell last week and am back to boiling a pot of water and steeping the tea in the pot each morning. I like to think that I can get a cup of coffee and enjoy it for all its worth without feeling like i 'need' another cup. The addiction thing is tough. Especially after being a coffee drinker for 15+ years. Next time I am in LA, I will have a cup of coffee with JBO, if only because he said he'd buy me a cup. Free stuff is also hard to turn down, even if there is no desire for it.

Now I am off to the gym, this perhaps is something I would like to make more of an addiction. For now, I'm taking it day by day.

f’n blog

I can be a little anal sometimes. In the 300 or so word blog i posted a minute ago, I noticed a couple spellng errors. I went to correct them and there was some error going on. So I copied that blog and deleted the old one. lo and behold, the only thing that ended up being copied was the title of the blog sans the blog itself. i am pretty pissed but in the scheme of things i think i'll live (i just hope my readers will). Next time I will remember to run these bugs through my Quality control team. damn.

the dentist, JBO, and marshmallow treats

Believe it or not, I was back at the dentist today. Four cavities filled. Three more next week. After that it is a 2-part deep cleaning known as scaling and root planing. What is it? Alan had to do this and a lot more after he went without seeing a dentist for over 10 years. Bad idea jeans. Apparently even he is in good shape now which proves that the dentist and the dental hygienist can in fact perform miracles. Tough job. I saw on CNN that dentists get the least amount of vactions by profession. When I told that to the office staff they just laughed and said they work 4-day weeks, every week. This office must be doing well. They do seem to be in very good spirits which is kind of weird for a dentists office. However, I suppose this is one reason why I would highly recommend these guys. If you live in SF and are looking for a dentist, drop me a line and I'll let you in on this party.

On another note, my friend JBO has made a profound statement. He referred to me as "that champion of balance and harmony, my mentor in living a better life, the one who brought me from the dark side and allowed me a glimpse". I think he is a bit tongue and cheek and trying to scapegoat his low disciplinary abilities. But that's okay since we all have that similar good vs. evil thing going on. Remember the Flintstones? The angel and devil that hovered over Fred's shoulders (get the costume) It doesn't take much for me to go coocoo over Peeps. Practically everyone who knows me has seen me put down a 15 pack of pink or yellow peeps in under 3 minutes. (2 packs if they were lucky). But that's alright. I was raised on candy and soda. [Aside: JBO and I subsisted on the lunchtime coke-candy combo. It was only a buck in our day 60 cents for the coke and 40 cents for the candy), but now it is probably more like a buck eighty.] I used to literally leave the dentists office as a kid and my mom would let us kids stop off and pick up candy from the corner store. My favorite used to be Rocky Road, that chocolate and marshmallow treat. Did you know it is made in San Francicso Bay Area?

Nowadays, I try to have discipline, but sort of realize that concept is fruitless. Your true nature will ALWAYS rise back to the surface after a tablespoon or two of time. The only way to change a habit for a lifetime is to alter your nature which as you can imagine is no easy feat.

A rainy day and the dentist

Rain in the forecast for the next couple weeks. Thought I would try to build some momentum seeing as how this is a new blog and all. Went to the dentist today after a 3+ year hiatus. He is pretty up on technology and even has a 17" LCD on the wall so patients can watch tv and dvd's.

Feels good to finally get back in there as I could tell there was some definite buildup (aka plaque & gingivitis) happening. My suspicions were confirmed when his assistant took the tv remote from me and switched over to the "chair-cam." There it was, the inside of my mouth up close & personal, magnified, and in what seemed like high definition. Pretty ugly if you ask me. It was a good move on his part. After seeing all that crap on my teeth, I signed up for all the services he was offering me. I remember in the old days, they would just show you a brochure of someone's ugly mouth, letting you know that this would happen to you if you didn't brush and visit a dentist regularly. Well, the time has come, age has taken its toll, and that brochure has not only hit close to home - it is chez moi.

Now go make that appointment with your oral provider.

Ahhh, the Racing Green. Glorious.

I just set up this blog a few minutes ago and rather than wait a couple days, weeks, or months finely crafting the perfect word, phrase, sentence, and/or novella, I thought I would just post - already realizing that in the process of creating this blog, success has been had. My hope is that JV soon follows suit. Remember that trifecta, JV? Hoach, remember that dude telling us to bet on his horse.....?

In any case, sometimes it is better to just get a jump on things rather than think too much and never end up getting to or past the starting gate. Check it out to see what I mean. By the time you're done reading, I should have my next post ready...

And they're offfff!