Yes, the river knows...

"I used to ask questions, and I got the answer: nothing. The answer is
'nothing."
-Joan Didion, Play it as it Lays

Sometimes I feel as though time is fluid. The days actively progress in what seems the way the are supposed to. Other times, I become quite introspective and find myself analyzing things quite a bit. I seem to go between these two states every couple weeks as if there is some pattern to it that i cannot quite discern. Another way of describing these states is "Heavy" and "Light" as Kundera often does. We are always striving to be light, to shed all worldly realtionships and possessions, to be free as a bird. Inevitably when lightness comes our way, we immediately start accumulating things (realtionships, real estate, etc.) and get heavy - typically until we get so heavy that we are burdened by our perceived responsibilities. So heavy that we cry out for a Coup de Grace!

Who doesn't enjoy the idea of jumping on a plane and traveling to a remote part of the world - where no one knows your name, where your self has no past, your identity invalidated. In modern verncular, this is sometimes referred to as a 'fresh start'. Another chance to make your way in a difficult yet exhilirating world of possibilities. Joan Didion has written some about this. Her take is that you don't have to jump on that plane, your life, your love, and your entire past will fade to black right before your eyes and years before you expect it. Play it as it Lays was an interesting book.

In our own way, we perfrom the ritual of moving from place to place regularly, even if we decide not to admit this to ourselves. How many people do you know that have lived in the same city for more than 10 years? Yes, its true, people get bored with existence. Seemingly searching for another place that will bring them smack dab to the elusive State of Happiness.

It really is a tough challenge to find yourself in a place that you don't want to depart from. Where la vie quotidienne is as enjoyable as that chocolate cake, orgasmic sex, and the climb to the peak of a snowcapped mountain. How do I (we) get to this place and stay there?

I refuse to believe this place only exists in drugs and dreams.